Kicking and screaming my way into the light

In the Beginning September 13, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — thursdaynexxus @ 12:28 pm

By the time I took a pregnancy test at the end of July, I had no doubts about the result. Weeks of increasing nausea, fatigue, swelling – and the conspicuously absent “monthly visitor” – had already told the tale. “Yep, I’m pregnant,” I whispered to my husband as I crawled back into bed, feeling like a rebellious teenager caught in her own carelessness. Haven’t we been telling people we were satisfied with two kids? Haven’t we been rejoicing over our daughter’s potty-training and the banishment of diapers from our house? Didn’t we give away our crib, our high chair, and the majority of our baby stuff?

And yet, there it was, proof positive on the bathroom counter. We weren’t as ready to be done as we thought.

We spent the rest of the day grinning at each other and bursting into laughter like fools. Better that than tears, than giving in to the worries lurking just outside the bubble of our shared secret. Soon enough, they would begin to creep in, some mundane, some Big Life Questions:

How will we afford this?
Where will the baby sleep?
How will our kids take it? (See “Where will the baby sleep”, above. Someone’s going to have to share a room, eventually!)
What if there’s something wrong with the baby? 

And finally…

What will this do to our dreams?

We were just beginning to glimpse opportunities opening up in the next few years: time to work, go back to school, pursue new callings, improve the home we bought in 2009 (an early sign that we might not be the most prudent life decision-makers, perhaps). All that will have to shift – maybe some just down the road a few more years, maybe some will go away forever.

But on that July Saturday, we hugged each other and indulged in the luxury of a happy moment. “After all,” I said, “This happened because we are crazy about each other.”

Or maybe just crazy.


5 Responses to “In the Beginning”

  1. You have a way with words!

  2. Donna Mathwig Says:

    To be sure, life is fluid, in some ways like an ever-changing grand experiment. We can hypothesize about our future, make plans and, well, you get it. Those of us a few (!) years ahead of you continue to make ongoing course adjustments.

    And that ‘rebellious teenager’ feeling? Yep. I had to laugh out loud. That’s how Dylan arrived on the Mathwig scene twelve years ago, and I am so incredibly grateful for the gift of his surprise presence in our lives.

    Crazy is amazing. 🙂

  3. Courtney Says:

    Amen to crazy. I think it’s a constant state of life, the rest of the details somehow manage to fall into place behind it.

  4. Beth Says:

    Love it!

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